Just About Me

What I did in Houston for Christmas

2009-01-11T09:22:00.001-06:00

I had an amazing time, I shopped, I saw a Bears game live, I went to the amazing exhibit at the Houston Museum of Natural Science, I watched grandchildren open Christmas Presents and I indulged my taste buds at restaurants.

BUT, we also had the full effect of Murphy’s Law each and every day. When I arrived we barely could get the two suitcases and laptop into the PT Cruiser along with me, the girls, John and Misti. Seems things were destined for lots of oops…

We got back to the house and unloaded the thousands of items from the car and then it was on to shopping. We went to Wal-Mart, our first stop for the RC, Coffee Maker and other essentials. The first oops was Misti unpacking the coffee pot. I watched her and saw the disaster coming she had opened the box upside down and the coffee pot slipped out and crashed to the floor. Then to Paw Paw’s to get an air mattress and clothes for everyone because this was the first time the kids were going to be back in their home since the Hurricane. The furniture was due the next day or at least the beds so we made pallets on the floor for the night. We would make a return trip to Wal-Mart to get a replacement pot of course this pot was white trim and we had a black coffee maker, but we also managed to buy the present I wanted to give them. I purchased the WII version of Guitar Hero Legends and the yarn for the crochet lesson I promised Lily. So back to the house and a late night of pretend music which was fun and exhausting.

The next day was more shopping and waiting. The beds were due to come, but nothing came as scheduled. We also had to run to every appliance store to find a refrigerator, washer and dryer that was in stock and able to be delivered. We ended up at Lowe’s and were able to get all the equipment with the appropriate discount that would be delivered the next day. We did a few more last minute shopping trips to find gifts and outfits for the girls, but in the mean time we had to relinquish Lily to her father, which was sad because Layla would be alone.

Another night on the floor because nothing came as scheduled, so our next day was waiting, and waiting. I watched a lot of Sponge Bob and waited. It was about midnight before the final piece of furniture came in and we could get to sleep after another round of Hero and John pulling out his Fender for the REAL Crazy Train. Of course he had to solder his amp to actually hear it and Layla hit her head on the corner of a speaker while twirling and dancing.

Christmas Eve brought a busy day of shopping and planning. Since the refrigerator was now working and available and clean up done for the 20 millionth times we were ready for the adult duties of Santa’s helpers. After Layla finally went to bed, we wrapped and wrapped and wrapped some more, and the final duty was to make the Birthday Cake that Layla requested from Santa. Unfortunately, that was nearly a total disaster, because Misti mixed it in a plastic bowl and John had preheated the oven and because they then had to go pick up Lily, they forgot about the cake and put the plastic bowl in the oven. It did melt some, but the cake was able to be made and iced after the aroma of burnt plastic subsided.

Christmas morning was exciting, they opened present after present and ate birthday cake. Then it was hurry up and go to Misti’s mom and dads to open more presents and eat breakfast. Then back to the house to unpack and pack the car to go to Misti’s grandmothers to have another meal and open more gifts. The girls had a great day with lot of presents and the most wonderful pleasant day, weather accommodated inside and outside time. In the midst of our morning activities, the Insurance Adjuster made a visit to the house to do an inspection. I was quite amazed that they would come out on that day, but it has been so long trying to get the house back in order since Ike.

After a night of more Guitar Hero and having to let Lily go back with her dad I slept exhausted on the trundle bed. We had worked to clean up the debris from packages and set more bags out for the garbage man which was scheduled to resume the next day. John would have to be at work again and that meant Misti, Layla and I could shop in the morning, but we would go to the Houston Museum of Natural Science in the afternoon.

The museum was awesome, here is the best description taken from their website: View the earliest known manuscript containing the story of Christ's birth in the oldest known copy of the New Testament Book of Luke. Examine other ancient manuscripts including the prophetic Old Testament Book of Isaiah - one of the original Dead Sea Scrolls found at Qumran. Witness history first hand and be among the first to view a host of other authentic artifacts from this fascinating time and place, which to this day remains one of the world's most important and influential cultural intersections. http://www.hmns.org/exhibits/special_exhibits/birth_of_christianity/BoC_walk_through.asp

One of the speakers during the exhibit of the city mentioned what was meant by the Bible passage, it is harder for a rich man to enter heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of the needle. What it meant was there was a Gate; called the Eye of the Needle to enter Jerusalem and a camel almost had to crawl through to enter, so a rich man to enter heaven would have to exhibit great humility.
Layla loved the Dinosaurs, but only if we went up to the second level and looked down on them, she was not enthusiastic at seeing the Dinosaurs or animals up close and personal. She loved the buttons on the renewable energy exhibit and we hit them all several times.

The Chicago Bears vs Houston Texans started out great, but as an old Bears fan they did exactly what was expected, lost in an array of penalties that kept them from tying the game. There were quite a few Bears fans at the game and John and I were not completely ostracized. The stadium was huge, but the dome had been stuck open from the last ice storm and it rained on us and was really quite cold. I should have grabbed that little mermaid blanket from the car, but we were in a hurry to get in and start our fan worship. Our seats were great and we did have an enjoyable experience.

We couldn’t go to the IMAX because the girls had already seen those movies so we made a return engagement to Incredible Pizza and had fun eating and playing games. On the morning of my departure we were sitting eating breakfast and Layla finally revealed the purpose of having Birthday Cake for Christmas. She had decided that even though she was still 3, her birthday was now in December, not October.

What a wonderful time, even with all the little oops that happened each day. We were able to enjoy getting back into their house, playing games, eating and viewing the greatest things that Houston had to offer.

Being Thankful

2008-11-09T18:25:00.002-06:00

This Thanksgiving I’m going to do something different, I’m going to give thanks for not only the people in my life, but those that shaped my life and were a part of it, no matter how short.

In some circles I am known as the Grief Lady, the one to speak to and find out if you’re really normal and not just slipping away somehow, the lady that will not judge and empathize with your pain. I would gladly trade that title with anyone most of the time, but then I wouldn’t have known how to deal with so many deaths and may have missed meeting new people. You see after so much loss, something changes and it’s usually you. You become a new person, someone different from the person that was the granddaughter, daughter, cousin, wife, or close friend, you are now. You become the person that is left to find how to be someone without that person you loved.

One thing is certain, you never, ever “get over it”. Every holiday brings renewed pain and looking at that new person in the mirror can be frightening. You long for what was, and for the love that is no longer a phone call away. Tears well up and you just know they will never stop and fear the pain will be as sharp as the day of the funeral. Your fears trap you for a time and you retreat to that unknowing fog that was the only comfort for a while. You watch others plan their holidays with anger in your heart that you have been robbed that same warmth they share with their family. Then, by chance, you find something to make you smile, something that you can remember with a little smile and can move forward again. You can make plans that may seem odd to others, but logical to you to celebrate.

So this year I am doing that, I am remembering those special people, and taking a little time to let you remember them too. Here is my list and feel free to add to the list some of the wonderful people that you wish to thank.

Grandmother & Grandfather – Barbara and John Mikula, Leona and Fred Wilck and Grandfather Henry VonEngeln
Mother & Father – Delores and John Mikula, Charles Rauh Sr.
Aunts and Uncles – Henry & Loraine Brandt, Larry Wilck, Whitey Mikula, Lou Mikula
Cousins – Connie Brandt
Husband – Charles Rauh Jr.
Friends – Judy and Mike Housler, Rich Zwierchowski, Judy Divers, Trip, Gigi, Rose
And finally, my beloved animals, each one unique and giving me something to love and share the many tears. – Scooter, Tina, Sandy, Skipper, Tap, Dieter, Nicky, Daisy, Earl, Susie, Peach, Pumpkin, and Emale.

Crossing the Line

2008-11-02T09:23:00.003-06:00

My art history class has given me another great question to blog about, here it is:

Nudity in art—when does it become pornographic? The human nude, especially female, as we have seen, is a time honored subject in art. Many devoutly Christian artists view the human body as God’s most supreme creation (in the Bible, it is written that man is made in the image of God). Some artists have centered their whole careers around the nude. In art school, students are still required to draw the nude from life. Surprisingly, some viewers still object to nudity in art. When does nudity cease to be beauty; why do people object to nudity, feeling that the viewing of it prurient? What is the difference between “nude” and “naked”?

This is a difficult question. Naked is meant to be prurient, Nude is meant to be artistic. Both still mean that the people have no clothes. But why do we not notice that the nude in art is also meant to be provocative, enticing and all art is to stir emotion, is this not what pornography does? We then go back to what is unhealthy for us as a people. A recent episode of Mad Men had used what was considered pornographic covers of magazines but they looked amazingly wholesome by today’s standard. The Vargas girls were definitely enticing depictions of women and were created for Playboy Magazine, yet the view of them as art is overwhelming. French postcards in the 1920’s, showing women scantily clothed, were considered pornographic, but are mild again by today’s standard. Acrobatic movements by women in silent films were considered pornographic in nature.

We are sexual by nature and when we are naked we expose ourselves and become vulnerable to each other. We are also judgmental, tending to have intense opinions on every subject. Something that has always been said about the internet is that we all sit “nekkid “behind the keyboard. We are faceless and left to a person’s imagination, but we allow ourselves to be vulnerable at that point and often use little or no judgment on each other. This is also the philosophical question about “What is Beauty?” To know beauty do we need to know ugly? Our young girls starve themselves to become what they consider beautiful and our children are unhealthy weights being fed the conditioning of a free society. America has not yet left its puritanical age, where all things must be pure in the mind or we fall short of the grace of God. During the Reformation even the Catholic Church painted fig leaves over the nudity of the bodies in the Sistine Chapel in response to the judgment of the people. Other cultures do not take this position and are not ashamed of the body making all viewing of the unclothed body profane as we do here.

In art, the study of the human form was always meant to glorify ourselves and keep the record of what we considered beauty. The curving line of a woman’s back along her thigh is a sensual line that can be seen abstractly as much as the phallic symbol of an obelisk. We still talk in code that has sexual innuendo placed on words that never before had that connotation. What does the word “gay” mean today? Our fantasy creatures today in video have the same strong sexual lines that those of the ancients did when depicted in sculpture or painting. It appears our strongest emotion is sexual. Today whether or not you clothe the body you still convey the sexual tension by gesture or proximity. When does it cross the line and become pornographic and not art? When the judgment of the viewer crosses the value line they have set for themselves and can see or feel an emotion that the artist may or may not have been trying to evoke.

Complicated

2008-10-26T12:26:00.001-05:00

Complicated

What if life was complicated by much simpler things?
A loose thread on a button or maybe a little static cling.

Would your mind be less prone to wander among a forest of cares and woes?
Could you take the time to wonder just how the flowers grow?

Would there be time to live each day more fully,
Walking with friends or conversations with your family?

Would you talk with God about your dreams, hopes and fears?
Could you give him your heart and trust him with your tears?

Treasure the simple things that sometimes complicate a day
Live your faith in your heart, in your work and in your play.

Randi RauhTyler©

Back In The Day

2008-10-19T22:12:00.002-05:00

My favorite saying, referring to the fact that everything was "back in the olden days" which I have become a part of. My children and grandchildren marvel at "back in the day" statements that means a story is coming about what they have that I didn't have. My students marvel that "back in the day" means a story about a time when I was probably their age or younger and how different it was to create something then and how I learned to do it now.
When my grandchildren enter college I wonder what the phrase will be to refer to "back in the day" and if they will have to refer to when something was done in my day is now done a new way.
Change and creativity go hand in hand, we reinvent ourselves every day by creating change. What will be simple at one time becomes complicated in another. How did I eat before microwaves? How long will I live with new health care treatments? Will I be cloned and live over and over again? Will I have new ideas with each age but remember all of my past? You are what you learned, and some lessons are harder to unlearn. Did I pass on the lessons that I wanted and unlearn the ones that were not good? Will my children feel that I have passed on to them the lessons that were good?
Always questions, very few answers. Philosophers have delved into the same questions and have continued to come up with a new answer for each age, but it is always based on the same Back in the Day questions. The more complicated we think we are the more simple we become because we all carry a back in the day lesson and philosophy that has been passed on to us that we pass on to others. So let us not remain "back in the day" but have new knowledge and creativity to share.

This is from the discussion we are having after the Noble Savage one in Art History:
In our last discussion the phrase "the simple life" came up, and this idea ties in with this week's discussion, as well. With Chapter 30, we begin the Industrial Age. There were a lot of changes going on during this period... when I prepared this discussion, I was listening to a song called "Heavy Horses" about how farmers traded in their draft horses for tractors. The singer was lamenting this: when they adopted the tractor, the farmers exchanged the friendship and partnership with their animals for efficiency. It still amazes me how much the world has changed in a short time: both my maternal and my paternal grandfathers arrived in Oklahoma in covered wagons. The world is still changing quickly today. Is it possible that we are living "the simple life" right now? What kinds of things do you think you will be telling your grandchildren about when you describe the them what the world was like when you were young?

The Great Pumpkin King

2008-10-19T09:19:00.004-05:00

My DeWitt classes are busy trying to prepare a pumpkin for Fall Fest. I selected a fairly large oval shaped pumpkin to let them create something unique and representative of the class. Originally only my Illustration class was going to create the pumpkin, but after the pumpkin went through many persona's it was decided that the Computer Graphics class could also participate.

Some of the persona's that this Pumpkin went through were: Grim Reaper Pumpkin, (looked like a big orange handgranade) Count Pumpkin Vampire, The Crate Pumpkin,(didn't really fit in the crate) and of course the Amish Vampiric Pufferfish Pumpkin (oh that Pufferfish is legendary). They settled on the Great Pumpkin God (presumably of Art) and then made it a Great Pumpkin King. Since they were not going to cut the pumpkin, but paint it, then they had to decide what kind of face this GPK would have. I had my Art History book with me and we looked at the old south pacific type gods and because at this time the Pumpkin was sitting on top of a pillar with a Hawaiian straw hat on and looked like Jimmy Buffet who had been stung by a pufferfish.
This somehow translated into a Tiki type god, and it needed minions to worship it. So many little pumpkins would be sitting at the bottom in veneration of the GPK, but we didn't have many little pumpkins, but we did have pears. Well since we didn't like the pears we let them be the enemy and gave the decoration of the pears to the Computer Graphics class. They would create masks for the pears to wear on the computer and carry little toothpick spears to fight the little pumpkins and overthrow the GPK.
Our legend was complete and I wrote the following for our GPK:
Every year at Harvest time the little known group call the Illustnation elect a new Great Pumpkin King. They enshrine the king and do battle with the Compuartis rivals. Who will win this years battle and will precious juice and pulp be spilled in honor of GPK?
After all this creative thought was complete it was on to painting the GPK. They used bits and pieces of every ones individual designs and everyone took a turn at adding their particular style to the GPK. We lost the hat and did straw and feathers and curly cue pipe cleaners for his headdress. The computer class found awesome pictures to use for their masks and altered them appropriately to be used on their pears.
When the scene is complete we will have pears and pumpkins fighting each other below the GPK in all his splendor. Pictures will be coming then~

The noble savage disscussion

2008-10-12T08:25:00.001-05:00

The noble savage disscussion question:
A theme popular with Romantic artists was the idea of the "Noble Savage". The assumption was that people who lived in more "primitive" societies, being closer to the land, were somehow more "pure" or noble than people in Western cultures. Delacroix felt this way about Arabs (there are still Bedouins today living a nomadic lifestyle), and many American artists felt this way about Native Americans. The idea is so popular that Benjamin West even included a Native American in his Death of General Wolfe (even though the Indians fought on the side of the French, not the British). Do you think this sentiment exists still today? Can you give an example of it (in any form of art)? What, if anything, might be problematic with this view? Or do you think that this might be a positive way of thinking?

My reply:
I think this is a psychological viewpoint. Many artists delve deeply into the psychological (including filmmakers) and a purity of non-jaded persona is always considered closer to God or the pure essence of nature. Many of the paintings we have seen are related to that purity or pursuit of nature in one way or the other.
All of the books and movies that deal with the pre-history era (caveman or prehistoric American) make those that delve into the creative those that are set aside from the others as more intelligent and closer to the gods. In Stephen King's novel the stand, those that are by other standards defective (old, deaf, and retarded) are those closest to the "good side". Recently I viewed M. Night Shamalan’s movie "the Happening" and here those that did not interfere with nature were those saved or less susceptible to the neurotransmission.
Since our culture is based on the idea of fertility and closeness to the goddess of the earth, or Earth Mother, we seem drawn to those that do not appear as we do and live a simpler life that is obscure to us as we work harder and harder to have everything instantaneously and have are needs met.
More contemporary artists are always drawn to the human condition and lack of depth in our culture. When we honor wealth, fashion, or lifestyle there is always an artist to show us how transient these items are and the need to return to purity. On the other hand most of those in advertising are determined to feed us our trivial desires and raise them to a cult like worship. When we buy into these new icons we then are met with the desire to return to something simpler in time or circumstance.

Have an opinion?

officially the worst grandmother in the world :(

2008-10-10T08:10:00.003-05:00

I did it, I am now the worst there ever was
How could I miss Layla's birthday and make it in my mind 20 days later. She is three, but that doesn't mean I can gloss over something now. They have been through so much with the after effects of Ike and now I miss her birthday.
Well, either I'm getting senile, missed my thyroid meds, or am just an idiot.
Help me world, this was a major mistake.

Art History Debacle

2008-10-05T18:20:00.001-05:00

It went like this…we have a Term Paper to do, and this is what the assignment reads:

The independent project will be a short (roughly two pages) term paper. The subject of your paper will be a single work of art chosen from one of the non-western chapters, or a contemporary artwork from any culture. The paper will be published for others to read and study. They will take a quiz (written by you) over the material. You can (and should where possible) include pictures.

My first email was: I was looking at the assignment and note that you said "or a contemporary artwork from any culture". Does this mean the work must appear in the book? I would like to do mine on either Victor Vassarely or Leonado Neirman. Would this be appropriate?

Now as a side note, Vassarely is considered the “father of Pop Art” he died about 9 years ago and Neirman is said to be the Pollack of Mexico and is still living.

The reply was: Because the other students will be taking a quiz over all of the papers, they need to be able to look the artist up in the book. I may approve an artwork that is not in the book (if for some reason you feel you can discuss it more fully) but the artist and an image by the artist must both be available in the book. I am sorry neither of these guys appear in the book. Try again, I am sure your next choice will be perfect!

So I scoured the book looking for someone that could be good and I could refer to my original choices with so I sent this: Autumn Rhythm (Number 30), 1950 Jackson Pollock (American, 1912–1956) | I feel I can contribute more insight, and stay within the books description for this painting. Will this choice be ok?

BUT NO, now I am totally confused because this was the reply: I hate to turn you down again, but I cover Pollock (and that particular piece) in the lecture. If you would like to choose an American (or other western artist) you should look for some one who is either living or very recently deceased (say, no more than 5 years ago). Next time, before you email, line up a few more choices for yourself-- hopefully, I won't have to say no to all of them! I pasted some web addresses below- with luck, they help your search without making it more cumbersome...http://www.artinamericamagazine.com/ http://www.artnewsonline.com/home/ http://www.artsjournal.com/

I sit here thinking “what lecture” we don’t even have that assignment yet. Didn’t she say NON-Western artist? So who do I chose and why? I think she should just choose for me, obviously she has something in mind and I don’t have a clue. And those websites she sent me to, not an artist noted on it, let alone if they are in the stupid book!

Soooooo, I am depressed, frustrated and all around pissed! I really would have tried to keep it to 2 pages, and make the test logical, but now I am bound and determined to find someone totally obscure in that book that she won’t use.

Getting Ducks in a Row

2008-09-24T11:25:00.003-05:00

Getting your ducks in a row, oh so easy, if you first recognize which ones are YOUR ducks.

Plan simply, find the best order for the best outcome. Not every duck that squawks the loudest is really the one that needs to come first.

Sometimes we try to organize other ducks or make them a part of our group, this adds to the frustration of making sure all plans go well. We do not need to add a duck that has never walked in the row, no matter how easily it would be to make it a part of the group.

Now I wrote that a while back, and still I have trouble finding MY DUCKS, and making sure they aren't all squawking at me. I have teaching, taking classes and finally the other parts of life that I'm suppose to do. Well I just sit there and look at the ducks and wonder which one needs to come first.

I keep letting the Art History Duck come first. Probably cause it is a passion to discuss and gain knowledge and an interest for me that far exceeds anything else. But I sure do mess up the rest of those ducks. The Safety Duck is limping, the Consensus Duck is tripping, the Teaching Duck is ok, just wandering around aimlessly and the Life Duck just fell over. Now what do I do with the injured ducks?

Ok, breathe Randi, you just can't do this without slowly looking at these Ducks and making sure you aren't off on some other tangent. Passion will have to wait for a little until the Teaching Duck is on track. The Safety Duck isn't that complicated and a limp is better than a broken foot. That Consensus Duck is gearing up to be nasty, can tell by the look in his "eye". Now the poor Life Duck, well dirt keeps and I can't do anything about the hassles of my children at this time, but I can EAT LUNCH! I keep forgetting to do this lately, and it's not going to go well if I try to exists on soda and cigarettes.

So I am busy, rushing around with quacking ducks at my feet nipping at my heels for attention...wait a minute some of those ducks are NOT MINE...Let go of the ducks Randi, let them find a new home.

Playing Solitaire

2008-09-20T10:55:00.003-05:00

I wanted to post something profound, and not complain, but once again here I am looking at the work I am suppose to finish and playing Spider Solitaire instead. Watching the fights of the hummingbirds which are odd seeing as they should be gobbling up go-juice instead of guarding the territory around the feeders I think that is what I’m doing. Instead of jumping in and finishing the homework (go-juice) I’m thinking of all the reasons and fighting myself to guard my insecurities.
Part of this is feeling helpless; helpless to help my son in Houston, helpless to meld into an online class as an age appropriate student and helpless to help myself out of the feeling of gloom and doom. The gloom and doom part is almost earthquake syndrome, which means there are still more natural disasters that will mean loss of life coming our way. And all the rest is what if!
Some interesting discussions with colleagues (I am amazed to be able to call them colleagues when they are so much more) about what we want our students to “get” out of our classes. Why we do what we do and how we all approach the students is so similar. We have the desire to see these people develop a sense of critical thinking and prove to themselves they are worthy to think such big thoughts. We push ourselves into more and more creative thought with new approaches to send the knowledge through the conduit of words and projects to endow them with the electrifying realization that they discovered the knowledge on their own.
Well, this gives me an idea! I can use this as a pep talk for myself. I can listen to my own advice for a change and just flow with thoughts to do more than regurgitate the information that I am to assimilate in my classes and come up with those creative ideas that will amaze even me into thinking I have gotten the “big” picture!
See those solitaire games are not a total waste, they allow me to file away thoughts and then finally put them into some kind of order.

Ike not Nice Duo

2008-09-14T01:19:00.002-05:00

Yep here we are, or almost, and this is the second part of Ike. As he keeps moving north he will add to my Chicago Son's grief.

As I type this I hear the wind, the rain pelting and know that this destructive mass is not done. My heart aches for my Houston Son who has abandoned his home to go to Dallas where they have electricity. The roof and water damage to his home is pretty extensive and the smell and possible mold growth made him decide he couldn't stay.
He took a risk leaving, his "job" wanted him there to do something with the store I presume either be security or find a way to sell. I told him not going to happen and it shouldn't have to be his responsibility, even as a manager. His daughters lives are more important than anything he does for a living. He told me that last night was the most horrific night he has ever spent in his life. He didn't know how I have managed to live through some of the disasters I have had. What he will learn is that this will hurt for a while, and even though it is only things, they are the things that you have worked for and accumulated and grown attached to. They hold some memories for you and something else took control of even that much of your life and threatened you. You also realize if it can damage your home, it could have damaged your life, and you could have lost much more than just things.

My Chicago Son is busy making runoff ditches around his home to hopefully keep him from facing much the same problem of water taking over his existence.

Life is not fair, and what can happen from nature is just as devastating to a person as what we do to ourselves. I know many of those that live in Houston are experiencing this "grief" and post traumatic stress. It will take them time to adjust and recoup their strength to go back to everyday living.

Now my children are worried about me, I am getting calls from them asking me if I'm ok, they know this storm was deadly. I have lived through much trauma and grief in my life and I know that time is the savior and the enemy. I thank God that my children are safe and know that time will help them recover again.

Well tomorrow is another day, and Ike will pass and leave his mark on many lives, but I am thankful that right now he has not taken from me what is most precious to me in my life, my children and grandchildren. And just so you know God, I'm not finished yet, I still have a few more things left to accomplish, so don't rush me too much, I need to do a good job :)

IKE not Nice

2008-09-13T07:49:00.002-05:00

Ike continues to hover over my Son's home and he is already experiencing damage.
I am helpless to console or encourage. Without electricity he has no option but to wait for me to tell him if the eye and the eye walls have moved out of his area.
I have sat in front of the TV since 7pm last nite glued to the weather channel.
Things are taking place this morning (it's about 8:00 am) and all I can tell him is it isn't over yet.
Then I am in total shock to see that my Son in Chicago is also in weather harms way as flooding and tornado's pound his area.
Weather is not being nice, and I guess we need to expect things to get bad here in Arkansas too.
My Son in Houston is worried, and I don't blame him, I have been worried every hour on the hour that something has happened. What was the mayor of Houston thinking not evacuating and leaving people to figure out how to fend for themselves during a Hurricane that is still a Category 2 as it makes it way out of Houston.
The repercussions are going to be monstrous.
Will post more later, think I will nap again and wait for a call or drink more coffee and watch as the slowness of Ike keeps moving.

Housework is not amusing

2008-09-06T12:30:00.006-05:00

What could keep me from housework? Just about anything that can catch my eye and amuse me for a time. Oddly enough the hummingbirds have been doing a good job of keeping me from completing even a smidgen of housework or homework.

We started off the year with just one apparently rouge hummingbird at the feeder, well low and behold there were two and I could just laugh watching the one keep the other from the feeder and his not getting a drink at all because of the competition. Then last week I saw five of them all sitting at the feeder, and now there are more. My guess is they hatched babies and they are now little fledglings capable of joining the group in migration. Today is the ultimate war for the feeder domination. There might be as many as ten of the little hummers darting back and forth in front of the window that has the clear view of the feeder. Someone is always picking on someone else to gain the coveted juice. They actually dive bomb each other with those long pointing beaks, stabbing them in the back of the head. The original ruler of the feeder flies in from the pine trees and still doesn't seem to get a drink, but he flares out and postulates that he is the biggest and baddest and found it first to all the others.

Their amazing flight and maneuvering keeps me riveted to the glass. I can view the amazing show with my cup of coffee and just relax.

Homework will have to get done after sunset, but I better do a little of that housework that is spilling over into my sanctuary at least to keep it at bay and out of my immediate vision. But then again, dirt keeps and will surely increase, but the hummingbirds will take off to their winter home soon. All I need is a few minutes rest from viewing to do that little bit of housework that will let me pretend to be the homemaker I am not!

Anticipation of Apprehension

2008-08-31T11:13:00.004-05:00

Where do you go from here? The time is come to look beyond what may have been to what can be. Don't be apprehensive, cast a shadow forward

The anticipation of grief or that "special day" will leave you apprehensive and confused. What if I can't stop crying, how much will it hurt, will I forget?
All questions that bring you back to the moment in time where you stood in the shadow of your former self before the loss.

Gustav looms over New Orleans and the gulf area, we anticipate the repeat of Katrina, loss of life, loss of property and the apprehension of rebuilding again.
Things have changed a little, we did learn some from Katrina, and evacuation and resources are being gathered in anticipation of Gustav.

Gustav is mean, he has already tore up the Caribbean, and he seems to be focusing on Louisiana, but there is one hitch to this storm, his little sister Hanna. She is confused and keeps trying to catch up with her big brother. I get the feeling (may be somewhat of a prediction) that if Hanna can push her way forward, Gustav will miss New Orleans and get pushed over to Texas. Not that he won't do some damage to the gulf shore, but I think if Hanna has her way and can gather herself, Florida and Southern Texas will need more help than New Orleans this time.

I don't think we should be so smug as to think we know the outcome of how our earth will renew itself. We anticipate outcomes but a little gust from the "gods" and everything can change.

The power of prayer can change the look of every anticipated disaster, and I still believe we will be where we are suppose to be when things happen.

Can we prevent devastation from natural disaster? Maybe, but sometimes it won't make a bit of difference and our skill should be the coping of the change left to us. Casting that shadow forward...looking at ourselves as renewed not devastated.
Tears cleanse the soul, but crying a river over spilt milk will not return the milk to us, only dilute what we had.

Hopefully this storm like so many things in our lives will pass us by and bring us together as people that want to work together for the good of all with a love in our hearts that is without the conditions we place on ourselves.

Recovery

2008-08-23T13:02:00.003-05:00

Nothing frazzles me more than losing stuff, or not being organized and able to FIND what I need. Last week was a disaster in trying to recover, recover from a computer crash, recover lost supplies that needed to be split between two campuses, recover office space to put some of those supplies, recover direction for teaching the courses that use those supplies.

All I did last week was try to find a way to recover things. By the middle of the week I needed to recover my mind. Added to the above mentioned items of recovery, I tried to recover my son from the depths of renewed grief, and hopefully help him find his new path.

I think somehow this morning I finally recovered almost all of the items that my computer lost with it's viral infection. The final item was my finances, which I really didn't want to have to rebuild from the beginning of 2008. But there were bills to pay and no idea of how much money I had already spent.

Then we had the BAS degree to work on, once again I hadn't even completed the process there with all the other things looming over me. But I think I'm back on track to have that completed by Monday, and know what to do to get organized to take the three classes and keep my sanity. What's the worst thing that can happen, I will not ACE the courses, but will complete them. The books hopefully will be delivered before I have to take the first test and I will not have to guess everything.

The stacks surrounding my computer of disks and paperwork have finally dwindled down enough for me to release some tension and write about why I have felt so horrible and frazzled. I might even get around to lunch and oh no, cleaning!

Well, that is that, at least something got organized!

Let the Games Begin (not the Olympics)

2008-08-16T10:58:00.003-05:00

Wow, I think I am almost ready for that first year of teaching. After a few setbacks (previous Dean turned new version of Beast)I should have everything ready to go for the Fall term.

All syllabi and weekly plan with rubric are in place and ready to be sent and printed to all the appropriate persons. A few preliminary meetings with co-workers looks like we are all on the same page and getting ready to pull our programs out of the ashes that the Beast left us.

So I sit here nervously waiting for something to go wrong before Monday, or all of a sudden realize I have forgotten the most important thing that is needed to accomplish this life altering goal achievement.

There is always the laundry that isn't done, so I may not know what to wear.

I do have to complete the paper work for the BAS degree and begin those online classes, get books ordered and hope I haven't messed up something by taking those classes at this point. The Art History course is the one I want to ace, but I already find my memory of all those slides of artwork fading in my mind as I look at the options of this new program. I can do it, I can manage a few things and come out looking good, I know I can.

Well, maybe I'll just let the rest of this rest until Monday and look around the house and get caught up on some of those little things I have left go for months (dirt keeps)!

My excitement on starting the new ME has grown and turned into panic over doing a great job so I can continue to do what I really do best. Calm down overachiever, it will all come out in the wash~

Must have been Monday

2008-08-06T08:22:00.002-05:00

It must be Monday, but I think it was actually Tuesday. Now I really am about a day off. Rolling into work before 8 am I thought I was being nice, efficient and just this wonderful person, but no, I was once again the second rate citizen of the dream I had in Houston. Well that's OK, I actually did say NO, just not directly to the beast.

I just can't look the beast in the eye and state my overwhelming gut response. I complain to all others, and sneak away under the radar to let others respond to the beast. They tip toe around the beast to avoid the eye contact and never seem to just out and out confront it either. So the beast continues on it's merry way wreaking chaos out of everyday things.

I must be moved, that is the only solution, get me out of the ever watchful eye and let me finally have the peace to work and do what I do best. I need an escape, a refuge, solitude, distance to do what creativity demands.

When I sit at home typing away at my computer I am relaxed in my wonderful chair. I can stop, play a game of Spider and regroup my thoughts or just search for the books that I would like to read. No one comes to my desk and towers over me to look at my screen to learn how I magically make those numbers appear.

The beast calls with the idea that I have hidden from him again some software, which of course is in the same place as always, but he must reload it for the 20th time because he doesn't know the place it hides on his computer. Then comes the subtle admonitions to remind me I am the "lowly, uneducated, step and fetch slave". Oh I am all about compliance and he resumes his control to make me feel less than human. I can not in all good conscious wait for the day that I no longer am under the micro management of this beast!

It can not be that much longer, and I will be free. Free to be the real person I want to be, happy, creative, caring. Maybe some energy will return with this and I will no longer dread each morning and wait for the evening to return to the person I can be.

While in Houston I took video of the zoo. Now I want to do more, upload some video and edit for backgrounds. Make some changes to those classes that are suffering from lack of content. Make them creative and exceptional. This will happen, just maybe not this week! Not on the week of Mondays.

Live From Houston

2008-08-04T09:29:00.004-05:00

Well God Willing and the creek don't rise I will be headed back to Arkansas soon.
I was totally fufilled and serene today to learn that my life there and my life here are insync.

The Grandbabies are doing well and we had an awesome time of games and firsts.
Layla's first bowling score (I think she beat me) and her first mini put put golf game (I actually did awesome on that one). We had a day at the zoo where we smoldered in the 100 degree weather, but got to see the animals and had fun.

What got me the most was that I was the one that wore out. AAAAAAAhhhh old age, I just needed a nap. I really thought that the babies would need one, but no, they have young bodies that are able to continue through the most adverse conditions to recharge and continue on from dusk til dawn. I will have to consider this training to do my full time teaching! How to keep up and stay awake without falling asleep or just complaining that I need to sit down again!

How can age just creep up on you like this, there was a time when it was easy to keep doing and going but now I am just the grandma that needs to sit down, walk slow and get to bed early. I know why grandparents get lots of gifts to entertain children, there isn't enough energy to be the entertainment.

I am eager to start back to work now, I am energized to do what I need to do to be the most excellent new instructor and bring a new dimension of graphics to my students. I will do it from the AGE I am now. I will look for more experience to bring them to the future. I have to thank those energizer bunnies that are my grandchildren. I get to observe everything new with them! I get to see what makes them smile and remember what made me smile. This is what life is, living those moments and sharing.

We went to the Byzantine Museum to see the Frescos. While we didn't know they had made this museum into a chapel and the girls really didn't get a chance to understand the beauty, it was the build up that was extrodinary. Lily learned everything about fresco painting I could help her understand and almost looked forward to seeing the paintings. This may not have been the highlight of her day, but I am betting she will remember years from now what angry eggs and fresco's have in common.

So many experiences, it will probably take more than one writing to convey, but thinking about heading home and returning to the other life I just had to share at this time.

Those babies grow so fast and before you know it, you won't be a part of all their firsts, you will be a history that they won't be interested in for quite a while.
Well everyone is up now and getting ready to take Grandma to the airport. The dogs are outside, the puppies are hungry and Layla is just coming out of her daze for the day. Soon everything will be loud and Sponge Bob is heating up!

I love these days!

Coming of Age

2008-07-26T09:21:00.003-05:00

TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY...and I am still on the shy side of 60, OK a sliver, I am Coming of Age. I finally will have things I never thought were going to happen in my life happen.

All this last week I have been thinking, this is difficult. To face the end of one responsibility and move on to the next with letting go of the things I was doing and moving forward. I was really in the "how do I get there from here" mode.

So I did what I always do, I plan. I revamped all the syllabi's for my classes, looked at the rubric's I created, mapped them to grading, and finally made about a dozen more PowerPoint's. Oh my students will hate me, they will sit there and moan about the length of these things again, but the good news for them is the more power points the less lecture and more time to spend on projects.

I have been looking at all the books, trying to find the right spark that will make doing the projects make sense and open up this impossible software to accomplish creative genius (not mine, theirs!) We need those light bulb moments that they can look at and say, wow, I didn't know I could do that. I found some good "tutorials" that will get them started and let them move from me telling them to them telling me where they found that tool to do the job!

I had a quick conversation with my NEW Dean, and finally realized, I don't have to do that work anymore, I can focus on just doing what I am suppose to do, teach graphics. That inspired me to make copies of the gazillion files on my computer (haven't been able to delete them yet) and hand over that part of the job to someone else! WOW, now, just have to say NO to the every day requests and say, sorry don't know about that.

I'm enrolled in the College Algebra (online) and with some fancy footwork and the 12 reference books, hopefully I will manage a C. I am also suppose to be enrolled in 3 other online courses for the Bachelor's program. WOW, I may get to that one before I am at retirement age too! I have not considered the cost of this yet, and my paychecks will probably not cover most of it, so I may have to determine if I need to cash in some future money to meet the goal.

As I sit here and type from my new "swivel, rocker, recliner" that my husband brought home last night I realize again, life changes. Letting go of old things is not easy, but getting comfortable in new surroundings can also be a challenge. I need to be careful that I don't lose the connection with people that I have. Since I am the first to "do" and the first to "complain that I did" I will have to look at my time differently, and know what that "to do" list really is. I want to put my energy where it belongs.

Well I'm going to enjoy some of that MAD birthday cake for breakfast and get another cup of coffee. My birthday will be tomorrow and I will be a new age, beginning a new era of my life!

THE FOOD BATTLE

2008-07-12T11:16:00.002-05:00

Imagine if you will, all the top cooking shows merged into one! Which ones are the top? That’s as easy as pie, one portion Hell’s Kitchen, one portion Top Chef, one portion Iron Chef America with a touch of the original Iron Chef (with subtitles) and finally one portion of The Next Food Network Star. In addition, everyone knows you can always top it off with the sizzling Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares.

From the twilight zone of what looks like The Top Chef Glad Kitchen/Iron Chef Kitchen Stadium, Padma introduces our next competitors to the music of “Fire” as the nimble Chairman Mark Dacascos winks at her and tumbles to the podium.
The winning chef will receive $100,000 in seed money to help open a restaurant, furnished by the makers of the Glad family of products, a job with Gordon Ramsey in his new Vegas Restaurant, a feature in Food & Wine magazine, a showcase at the Annual Food & Wine Classic in Aspen, a gourmet dream vacation in the French Alps, a Cooking Segment on The Food Network and will earn the title of "Top Iron Chef Network Star from Hell."

Padma Lakshmi presides over the judge's table alongside head judge Tom Colicchio, renowned culinary figure and chef/owner, Craft Restaurants, judge Gail Simmons, of Food & Wine Magazine and judge Ted Allen, Emmy-winning cookbook author and TV personality. Susie Fogelson, Vice President, Marketing, Bob Tuschman, Senior Vice President, Programming and Production for the Next Food Network Star Jeffrey Steingarten , Food critic at Vogue, author of The Man Who Ate Everything and It Must've Been Something I Ate and Gordon Ramsey of Hell’s Kitchen. Alton Brown, and Ishinabe Yutake serve as the Commentators. Floor Reporters: Kevin Brauch, Hattori Yukio and Fukui Kenji

Rising from behind the judges table in their smoke filled tubes are the Iron Chefs while Alton and Ishinabe struggle to decide who announces who and how to pronounce their names.
1. Iron Chef Southwestern Bobby Flay
2. Iron Chef Italian Mario Batali
3. Iron Chef Japanese Masaharu Morimoto
4. Iron Chef Asian Michael Symon
5. Iron Chef French Cat Cora
6. Iron Chef French-Hiroyuki Sakai
7. Iron Chef Italian- Kobe Masahiko
8. Iron Chef Chinese- Chen Kenichi

While floor reporters are huddled together to check microphones and comment on Padma’s nearly naked form, Gordon Ramsey intervenes and notes, these are the best of the worst of all contestants.
1. Spike Age: 27 Hometown: Clearwater Beach, FL - currently resides in Williamsburg, NY PROFESSION: Chef de Cuisine, Mai House, Drew Nieporent CULINARY EDUCATION: A.O.S Culinary Arts, C.I.A- Comes with funky hats and attitude
2. Dale Hometown: Chicago, Ill. PROFESSION: Chef/Consultant CULINARY EDUCATION: Self-Taught - weird haircut, secretly wants to surf
3. Clay Hometown: Northern Mississippi – currently resides in Santa Barbara, Calif. PROFESSION: Sous Chef, Santa Barbara University Club CULINARY EDUCATION: Self-Taught - doesn’t know a quiche from a soufflé
4. Michael Midgley Age: 28 Hometown: Stockton, CA Profession: Line cook at Wine and Roses restaurant in Lodi, CA Education: California Culinary Academy would rather eat and drink than cook. Shares Mario Batali’s passion for crocks.
5. Mia Gaines-Alt Age: 32 Hometown: Oakdale, CA Profession: Owner of Feed the People Restaurant Education: Modesto Junior College Culinary Arts Program Has to tie up those dread locks but likes to save souls with her soulful cooking.
6. Jen Hometown: Chicago, IL Age: 24 Occupation: Line Cook -A bitter and imposing opinionated cook who actually can get the job done.
7. Matt Hometown: Pinehill, NJ Age: 35 Occupation: Sous Chef Shares a station with Aaron to see who will first cry or faint.
8. Aaron Hometown: Palos Verdes, CA Age: 48 Occupation: Retirement Home Chef – Likes Matt’s stamina in the kitchen.
9. Julia Hometown: Atlanta, GA Age: 28 Occupation: Short-Order Cook – Learned a lot from Chef Ramsey and can still make a great breakfast.
10. Nipa Bhatt Age: 35 Hometown: Victoria, Minn. Occupation: Marketing manager – If it does not have curry, you probably just don’t want to know what is in it.

Padma announces there will be a twist; the Iron Chefs will be pairing with the competitors to ensure they win something this time! How will this be decided? They will draw knives that are numbered. The knives are brought to the two lines of chefs and a rumble from the commentators and the show is stopped; there are only 8 Iron Chefs, which means two contestants will have to be eliminated right away. Fan voting will decide. Vote now by Text or Online to eliminate two contestants while we cut to 10 commercials.

Another turn of events, the wonderful, kind, and ever soulful Mia decides to go home, that leaves only one contestant to be eliminated. Immediately Jen throws Dale under the bus and we are now on to eight contestants. However, Gordon cannot remain silent; he decides to retrieve Dale and cook with him since there are virtually no real English chefs present. Gordon looks at Dale and says, “You can do this Yes?”
The suspenseful moment, who now will be paired with which Iron Chef?
Spike selects Michael Symon. Both look each other over with that heavy brow look.
Clay looks astonished as he receives Cat Cora
Michael yells, “yes, dude” as he has been paired with Mario Batali
Jen gives a major “oh hell no” comment as her knife matches Masaharu Morimoto
Matt begins to sweat when he is paired with Hiroyuki Sakai
Aaron staggering must be suffering hypoglycemic shock when Chen Kenichi matches him.
Julia jumps and claps her hands she has received Bobby Flay
Nipa looks baffled as she matches with Kobe Masahiko
Next episode the famed "secret ingredient." In addition, the first battle when the Chairman shouts “Allez Cuisine.”

Moved Posts

2008-07-09T14:30:00.003-05:00

Saturday, May 10, 2008
Love Life
Years of experience should have told me, the best plans never come out the way you plan. They have a way of changing but if you can look at the whole instead of the little things they turn out the way they are suppose to.
I am a great one to give advice, and the last one to listen to my own advice. Case in point my youngest sons wedding. It was a beautiful affair on the beach in Galveston. They blessed me with doing the flowers and letting me help in many ways. I was thrilled and worked for months to make those flowers especially nice. Of course I did not wind tunnel test the flowers nor did I hot glue them all in place, my bad, because a few of them just went with the wind right out of the bouquet during the ceremony.
I could have cried a million times watching my son beam at his bride to be, and watching my new daughter look lovingly at him. The music and the sunset all fit together and all my worry about the wind floated away. Of course, I didn't look so nice by the end of the day, I had stringy wind blown hair, and nausea from the vertigo of the beach house. I also was put out by my husband's little antics during the weekend, but I didn't leave him on the beach as I was so tempted to do, and we did dance together.
My son and I danced to Eric Clapton's "If I Could Change the World" and I handed him over to my new daughter telling her it was now her turn to change his world.
They are married, and appear happy and on a path to a life together, that will certainly be all that they can make it. My grandchildren all were safe, despite my fears they managed to navigate the stairs on the beach house and not fall or get hurt. My fears didn't transcend to them and they enjoyed being the little prince and princesses of the royal family.
My son had his brother to be his best man, which was the greatest picture in my mind. They stood together on the beach awaiting the bride in sandals that kept the sand from their bare feet. As my grandson, the ring bearer bore the starfish that held the simulated rings down the tiki-torch isle we all laughed as he stopped to blow out one of the torches. My granddaughters were next in matching yellow gowns with floral wreaths in their hair and trailing ribbons, which made them look like angels dropped from heaven to make the path for the bride strewn with starfish and shells from their crystal baskets before her feet.
Their father was with them, you could see it in the glances and pictures of the boys and their uncle, almost as if they had made room for him in the picture. He would have been proud of the men his little boys had become.
This was a dream fulfilled for me. Raising my sons to be a part of a new family of their own with beautiful wives and children that will forever be a memory of love. I walked with them, talked with them, stood, and watched in awe as they lived an amazing memory. It is only one day in their lives, but for me it is what family and love are all about. My love and blessings to them always.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007
New Improved 2008
I'm elated with the possibilities! 2008 will bring my sons to the altar and I get daughters! Their happiness is what I look forward to, they both have done all they need to do to be happy in life. They have extended family, friends and from what I can see they are sucessful in their jobs too. I am so proud of my children. I am watching grandchildren develop into their own also. They are the shining stars in my sky. How can it get any better than that?
What else could it bring? Instructor rights. Yes, much work and effort has gone into this possibility and I look forward to attaining that goal. I may still have to wait, but I won't sit idol waiting either. I will take courses that bring me closer to being a "Bachelor" right along with it. You would think after over 40 years experience in the "graphics" field I would have been a shoe in for any potential, but no, I am stuck waiting again to see if I can prove myself.
I really plan to work on those "books" I started during the creative writing course. The grades are in and I got A's in both philosophy and creative writing, but that is because I write alot. I have to learn better grammar, but maybe with enough writing and editing I will be able to get there with a little help. If things don't pan out on the instructor front I will be taking up to 4 courses in preparation for that bachelors degree. My weakest links will be math and science, but I can well afford to get lower grades and still be ok.
Maybe in my darkest hours I will wonder more about where I am going in the future of home. I think most of it will depend on if I want to be self-sufficient, or content to just do what I have been doing. Sacrifice has been the role for a while, and I may need to pull away and be a little more self centered. More on that another day.
All in all so it is written, so it shall be dreamed until it is done!

Saturday, February 10, 2007
Dodging Bullets
It's been a week of dodging bullets. The problem with most of the bullets is you have already handed them to someone with that emotional gun to shoot you. Yes, you give them the ammunition to hurt you when you give away those bullets.

How do you know you've been doing that? Think about it, everytime you say, I should have done...or maybe I should say...you just handed a bullet to the person holding your emotional gun.

So How do you become "BULLET PROOF"? Don't give away the bullets. Easy to say, hard to do, but this is how you do it. You are this nice person, you are respectful and thoughtful but someone you care about (or are suppose to care about) keeps shooting you down and taking advantage of you. You wonder how this happens over and over again. You are asked to do something that seems like "your duty". Mom says, pick this up for me, and even though you know you will have to pay for it, not get the money back, and you really don't have the time to do it, you do. You just got shot! Guilted into doing something you should of said, Sorry, can't do it. A friend asks you to go with them to an event, you think it would be fun, but you have other obligations and it won't be easy to get away. Instead of waiting to the last minute to tell them you can't go, you let them know ahead of time so they can make other arrangements. You are being thoughtful, hoping that they would do the same for you, but "wait" now they can't help you out with an event that they said they would do, they are "too busy". There you are "shot again"! But you gave them the bullet, you gave them notice ahead of time.

Does this mean you can't be thoughtful, no, it means that you have to be firm up front, be honest and tell them I can't go with you, I end up paying for everything and you don't pay me back. I would have enjoyed going, but I can't afford it when I have to pay. I am on a budget and need to think of my family and what I can afford. Your honesty could save the friendship.

We do so much out of guilt, rather than honesty that we truley shoot ourselves and give others more bullets to shoot us with later. We are raised on guilt and shame, but when we mature, we are suppose to learn new ways. There are always consequences for your actions, but there are rarely consequences for honesty. Don't carry guilt for being honest, but don't assume you must do something to reciprocate when you could just say thank you, because you deserve kindness.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Working for a Living Current mood: frustrated
Work, Work, Work...then what, you get to eat and sleep and work some more. And what is all that work getting you? Guess it depends on the work itself and if you can see beyond the paycheck that pays for your food and your shelter.

I work hard, and sometimes a little too well. The more I get done the more I get to do and the more is expected of me from that time forward. I've always said I'm only as good as my last miracle. That miracle is soon forgotten and it is expected that I will accomplish greater tasks. So my latest strategy is to underpromise and over deliver so I can appear to keep delivering those "miracles".

No boss wants to hear, "that's not my job" they want to hear, I can! But lately what has been happening is that is NOT my job to do the tasks delegated to me, at least not without the boss signing off on it as approved work. Needless to say, who will be "hung out to dry" on these non-approved tasks that will have the lack of communication reprecussions? ME, yep the miracle worker, the one who walks on coffee and parts carpets.

So CYA, and make sure the boss's boss knows that you were only "doing the job" and that if it wasn't correct, it was not totally your responsibility. But that feels like a loyalty issue. The boss counts on you to take care of his A** and for that you are rewarded with a "that a girl". But when push comes to shove the loyalty should work both ways, you should be supported too. Not used as the 'scape goat for his lack of communication with others and just playing at being the boss.

Everyone has changes in their personal life that effects their work. But the problem with too many people with changes is that no one can stop the vicious cycle. So and so is upset, they were told one thing and then find out other things took place and they now have lost control of another area. But, the person they counted on to CTA is also upset, because of their personal changes they have forgotten who they told what to. Now a third party is brought in, and they can't see why any of the personal issues, just that this is not how the task was suppose to be handled in the first place. Someone is lying, and it is exhausting to determine where the truth is.

Well venting does help, but tomorrow I will see how far out on the line my job is. Tomorrow will tell if anyone was appeased, and if I can continue to work.

But when tomorrow comes and I find that I wasn't roasted, I will have another story to tell, but that will be tomorrow.

The Treasure

So many things to say, the usual time to say them, then comes the time you wonder if you should say it at all.

My son let me know about a death in his wife's family, too young. The comment that the father made touched my heart as I thought of how to explain how a father feels about his daughter. A treasure, one he builds and hoards for as long as he can, until she must become her own complete gift to the world. How can a man feel so strongly about his daughter?

Simply, he loves his daughter from the moment of birth and watches the growth as a treasure that is built with the love. Each year she becomes more precious, each year she comes closer to the time when she will be a gift to the world. That is the hardest gift to give, but there is joy in that giving. When a daughter dies before she can be gifted to the world the hurt is unbearable. The father would ransom the world to have her back and protect her again, but that is not possible. The grief is severe and most men hide the pain well deep in their heart. After all they were not raised to be the treasure, but the hunter and provider.

I never had the benefit of feeling like that treasure, my life was different. But I have always felt that my sons were my gift and they have proven that they can feel that intense love of a father. They show every day the love for their beautiful daughters and you can see their treasure grow.

All children are that gift of love that is the wealth of the heart. My sons have been fortunate that they have chosen great treasures in their choice of mates and that love continues to grow with their beautiful children (sounds like a proud Grandma, doesn't it).
I have one grandson, that will be blessed to find the same treasure his father found.

My life is very wealthy, I have been given all the love one person can ask for. My heart has been broken many times over the loss of love, but the treasure remains, having been gifted with the love to begin with. Your heart always carries the memory of love.